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Heartlands

by Arthur Durkee

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1.
Great Lakes Prairie Dawn texts based on themes from regional Native American songs and stories Mother Earth Sky, our Brother Lake, our Father Life, our Sister Mother Earth make us whole Earth, our Mother make us strong heal us Father Lake wind over inland sea at the dawn shining waters we are here to greet the morning of the world Father of song Mother of seed Brother of thunder Sister of fire teach us love honor, compassion eye of the day sees everything with the eye of the heart we help each other the sacredness of life bound to the land we live our days bound to each other with love with love Earth, our Mother bring rain to wash us Lake, our Father wind to cleanse us sun is risen sun to warm us day begins soil to give us life sun is risen day begins
2.
My Home in the Heartlands Quiet town early morning blue twilight in the east here in my heart here is my home Here is a place my home in the heartlands a small town just a dot on the map no one’s ever heard of where no one ever goes Open prairie skies endless sea of grass storms you can see a long way off light and shadow coming near listen to the wind We gather together our hands joined in circle our neighborly ways are rooted in sharing we build by the river we build a round barn the hearth is our circle our home on this earth Keep one eye on the sky listen to the wind river, cross my heart river, carry me home
3.
Alone 03:01
Alone I was alone under this giant sky Alone I was the only one like me I was alone before you came to me Alone after you went away alone I can be alone in rooms full of people I have learned to guard those secrets well that made me so alone In the world, there must be others like me Alone but I’m the only one right here I am alone in my little town, you know me you don’t know me at all Alone Alone
4.
Secret Waltzes In high school I dated girls, I thought I was straight, No one there was gay. I went through the motions, I played the right games, Still I couldn’t love my girl. Then life turned a corner, gave me a chance to know who I was, to be free. I traveled to Europe for one year of study— suddenly, I was free! The place, the people, the food! I was thrilled to be alive! Then I met him. It felt so natural to hold hands, to kiss, to make love, to laugh. I said to myself, “I’m gay!” I dated a man all year, I lived openly, I loved openly— but then I had to go home. Back home in the Midwest I went back in the closet of my fraternity. But I started to notice I wasn’t alone, i wasn’t the only one. I saw men I knew at the dance, at the bar. We don’t talk about it, we’re the soul of discretion, we waltz our waltz silently. But we smile to each other in church, in college, at work, in our family. We live and let live We love and let love We know who we are and we’re free.
5.
Fearless Heart I wish I had a fearless heart I wish I could be brave and cool I wish I knew which tale was true The apple or the serpent’s part I wish I could be wild and strong I wish I could sing my own song I’d never need to live a lie i’d welcome every roving eye I wonder if he’ll ever know I wish I could just tell him so I’d give him half my heart to share If I could just get past my fear I wish I had a fearless heart Together we’d be brave and smart This private garden makes a start Someday we’ll build the wilder part That day I find my fearless heart
6.
The Voices In My Head You got to fit in Don’t ever stand out Don’t think for yourself Don’t stand up and shout Being different’s a sin It won’t get you friends You know what that means It’s a means to an end Don’t laugh Don’t cry Too much You know why Nobody you love Will ever love you If they knew who you were They’d walk out on you Got to keep it inside Wherever you go There are things in your heart Nobody can know Don’t talk Don’t speak Hold your tongue You look weak Don’t walk like a girl Don’t simper and sigh Got to act like a man It’s do it or die Take care of your act Oretend you’re alright Don’t appear to be soft This is no place to fight Be aquare Don’t care Be cool Not a fool (no fool) You’ve got a big secret We don’t want to know Don’t tell us your troubles Just get up and go Go back in that closet Don’t dare to come out Live alone in your head Where there’s never a doubt You will Be syill Shut up Take a pill You’ve got to fit in Don’t dare to stick out Get back in that closet Don’t ever come out Conform to the norm Don’t mess up your life Your family loves you If you’d just get a wife! Shut up / Sit down / Be like us / In our town (Don’t laugh / Don’t cry / etc. to end)
7.
Now We Are Three I was one gay son in our family Mother disowned me Then my brother made two gay sons in our family Mother did not know what to do Now we are three gay kids in our family Mother still loves me she’s come around she’s come around
8.
Seven Haiku About the Great Lakes far northern summer skinnydipping in the lake— sunshine, making love above these high cliffs blackwinged raven croaks and soars— Superior vistas all summer long we boys browned on white sand beach growing into life windy summer noon— sailboats on Lake Michigan white petals on green pines near the lakeshore covering rocks with shadows— Mackinac Island music of the heart: small green frogs in April calling their mates long evening shadows darken cedar cabin walls as we watch the sky
9.
Warrior Marks” (a song against bullies) Against all adverstiy I have survived Despite all you’ve done to me I hold my head high You took away my dignity But I kept my pride You tried to take my history But I kept it alive REFRAIN: My warrior marks are the scars on my heart, life’s lessons I learned [make] these marks that I’ve earned I will live on I will survive I face down the bullies their words like knives I lived through the torture of living a lie You try to make me sacrifice Everything I ever loved You twist my life into a lie To pay a bitter cost BRIDGE: But I’m free as of now Victor not victim. No more of your hatred! Make me a pilgrim. I can make of my life Whatever I choose I’ve got just enough courage To see myself through REFRAIN: My warrior marks. . . BRIDGE 2: When the only way out Is a closet door When trying to fit in Gets you blood on the floor When you lift up your head You get hurt all the more— Why bother? Who cares? Why speak out? Who dares? I’ve risen too far To ever back down At the close of this journey I’m all that I own I chased down my demons I burned them away In my enemy’s fire I forged a new day REFRAIN: My warrior marks are the wounds on my soul, these burns that I’ve healed my scars now made whole I will live on I will survive I will live on I will survive I am alive I am alive I will thrive!
10.
Folk Song 04:33
Folk Song When trees burn gold in autumn and the river runs cold and blue, I first met my own true love under orchard trees rough-hwen I gave my love an apple and he gavae one to me, we kissed beneath the golden maple and made our vows to be. To be true to each other, to live forever, clinging, like the vine that loves the tree, like the river flows to the sea. When autumn turned to winter, my love gave the snow to me, I gave him back the winter moon, we kissed icicles off trees All under white spring blossoms, we loved in new green grass, my love and I went to the river to wash ourselves in grace. To be true to each other, to live forever, clinging, like the vine that loves the tree, like the river flows to the sea. But the river took my love from me, swept away to distant seas, now autumn apples come again, and I am left alone. When trees burn gold in autumn and the river runs cold and blue, I first met my own true love under apple trees full soon.
11.
Can You? Can you love me enough to let me go? Here we are in this sky full of lightning Striking ‘round us as we fight for our lives. Can you still say we’re nothing but comrades When we made love all night? I know your heart. Did you want to love me or did you just love yourself too much? Can you ever love someone who loves you or are you too proud To see who loves you who can always love you matter what? can you make up your mind, just love me and let me go, let go now?ˆ Here we are in this room full of silence Echoing ‘round us as we run through our lives. [echo: we through our lives] Can you run far enough to forget me? Shadows turn into dawn. I have your heart. [echo: I’m in your heart] Do you need a folk song to tell me I love you one more time? Would the words be more true if they were sweet or if they were harsh? Can you sing me a song that comes fromm your heart or will you pine For some version of me that I am not, for some fantasy? Can we just love each other? Just be in love and let it go?
12.
Night 03:13
Night Night walking the dirt road at the edge of the field moonless night full of stars millions of stars so bright I can see the dirt I can see my boots road rising into the sky celestrail road Night edge of the lake mirror still waters night full of stars silver light filling the sky and reflecting in the lake stars above, stars at my feet mist rising near the shore celestial lake
13.
Brushwork/Canvas I draw runes on your skin a labyrinth of circles over your heart I draw my name on your breast an arrow pointing down from navel to root of sex I draw chevrons on your arms sentinel of my self warrior guarding my soul I draw your name on my breast and as we press ourselves together ink runs from skin to skin as we imprint ourselves on each other ink brothers, blood brothers, one naked self to naked soul naked soul to naked skin writing our names on each others’ arms blood brothers, ink brothers, one my only loving brother we are one
14.
Dulcimer Song 
The parlor piano around which we sang the wheezing old organ that led us in hymns Daddy played the dulcimer while Mama sang loud and these were our Sundays in our little farm town When we worship in the chapel hear the singing angels inside When we sit down to our supper hearing the humming insects outside Sundays were for singing preacher telling us how to live But I had my secret ways I went out to worship in the wheatfield under the sun When we worship in the chapel hear the singing angels inside When we sit down to our supper hearing the humming angels outside angels outside
15.
We Are Your Neighbors We are your neighbors we are your sons your sons and daughters who you have loved We gather with you comunally we are your neighbors your family Community is all of us we live together from birth to dust We are everyone you know in school we go to market swim at the pool Sing hymns in church sing holding hands rhythm of seasons tied to the land God and creation held in our arms see birth and death grown up on farms We live beside you work the same job join hands in labor one of the mob Know the same people hardships and joys work with each other to build our lives Voices of loving land of desire can’t change who we are creation’s choir
16.
Silences Here Sometimes the world steps back into a kind of distance in the silence hawk flies from storm to tree all the world’s an open sky and every stillness gathers into one some nights when snow is thick around the weathered hilltops and deep valleys then we from sun to sea fill the world with starlit trees till winter candles gather into one some days [in] early summer lilacs fill the evening air with their sweetness we sit our sunset yard till it’s dusk too dark to see fireflies rise and gather into one
17.
I Come From a Good Home I come from a good home, I left it behind. My people were loving, they did not mind. But I couldn’t stay home, I needed to roam, I sought out a larger world, To call it my own. I left for a dream of what could be. I made a new home, a new family. But now I wonder what I left behind. Did I take a wrong turn, can I change my mind? Was I too long in running? Can I ever go home? I come from a long road I wanted to roam. Now here is the doorstep, Here is my home.
18.
Wheatfields 02:35
Wheatfields I sat in the back seat om the long drive to church, I was trapped in the coffin of my Sunday clothes Jacket too warm, collar too tight, I saw the wheatfield I played in all summer as the family car drove by Sunlight flashed through roadside trees while the endless wheat bent under summer sun where I ran shirtless yesterday Though still just a boy I thought to myself: I could praise God better from this acre of grass Than I ever could have done in church, and more purely; I could praise all Creation, I could sing a wheat psalm That was the morning I threw open my heart I saw God in the world and the vision has never ended.
19.
When We Sing We sing because we love We sing because we must There’s a world of song around us A world not always just When we sing We feel alive When we sing We are free When we sing We gather memories When we sing We are at peace We sing because we suffer We sing so we can fly For all who feel this hunger We sing ourselves alive When we sing We are lovers When we sing We will survive When we sing We will recover What we needed For our lives In a world full of people There’s only some that want to fly In a time full of hardship Only some want to help each other Why would we want to live in fear? There are some who want to learn to love In a world full of darkened skies We are the ones Who want to fly want to fly / who want to fly We sing out every morning We sing the sky at noon Sing in the summer thunder Sing out the winter gloom When we sing Nothing can hurt you When we sing We are safe When we sing Song is our refuge When we sing Our home in place Music comes from heaven It gathers in our skies With stars above us wheeling We sing the world to life When we sing We are aline When we sing We are free There’s a world Of song within us We sing out through our lives through our lives we sing in the skies we sing to each other we sing for all time

about

"Heartlands" was commissioned by Perfect Harmony Men's Chorus, Madison, WI, for their 15th Anniversary concert celebration, and was premiered in Madison and Milwaukee in June 2012. The following month it was featured as part of the GALA Choral Festival 2012 in Denver, CO.

Life for LGBT people in the American Heartlands, where the Great Plains and the Great Lakes meet, is different in many ways from LGBT life in the urban settings of America's coastal cities. "Heartlands" uses the stories of the members of Perfect Harmony to illuminate our home in the Heartlands: how we grow up and live gay in our cities and small towns and on our farms, how we make partnerships and build communities, and how being gay affects every aspect of our lives. "We sing because we love, we sing because we must!"

credits

released February 22, 2019

Words & Music by Arthur Durkee
Performed by Perfect Harmony Men's Chorus, Madison,
with City of Festivals Mens' Chorus, Milwaukee
Ken Forney, Artstic Director
John Kaspar, Accompanist

Produced by Ken Forney
Written by Arthur Durkee
Recorded by Audio for the Arts, Madison, WI
©2012 Arthur Durkee Music

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Arthur Durkee Ann Arbor, Michigan

Arthur Durkee is a composer & songwriter who records & performs on Chapman Stick, bass, analog modular synths, bamboo & wood flutes, keys, frame drums, and voice. He has won awards for composed, notated music as well as for his recordings, & is a published poet, & designer & illustrator. ... more

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